And so i wondered...

And so i wondered.. when did this all start? What moment in time did my life turn around in a flash?

Looking back it all started back when i spent my days in high school. I remember my very first encounter with Mia. I was sat in the school hall with my friends at lunch, just like we had for the past 2 years, thats when it hit me. Jemma (actual name concealed) said "Look how skinny that girls legs are, doesnt she look awful!" Jemma didnt realise that in those words that she meant no meaning, she had just triggered my entire future. The girl that Jemma so openly spoke about did not look awful. In fact, she looked beautiful, her tiny frame showed her hip bones and collar bones like flowers blossoming from her body. Her slim legs would have looked fabulous with some sky high stilettos.

And there you have it. The moment i ran to the bathroom and had my first encounter with Mia. Mia soon became my best friend. She was the devil and angel on both of my shoulders. One day i would love her and she would be the angel, advising me of my habits and i could control her. The next day she would be the devil and she would control me. Forcing all of the badness out of me. Literally.

Over the next few months i pushed away my actual friends and spent all my time with Mia. Everywhere i went, Mia went. We were like the perfect pair. She was my everything and i wouldn't do anything without consulting her first. In the end, i spent 10 whole months wrapped up in my new life with Mia. This was until my friends tried to force her out of my life. They had noticed the amount of time i spent with Mia, I loved being with her. She was making me just like the girl my friends had once made fun of. I loved her for that. She was like the lucky charm i'd always wanted.

My friends confronted me about Mia one day in June. It was a rather sunny afternoon and my friends and I decided that we would take a stroll around the village and catch the rays on the field. We were all wearing our bikini's and cute summer skirts. We had being lying on the grass for about 20 minutes before anyone spoke. Leanne spoke, "Have you being dieting?" she asked me so bluntly.
"A little bit, nothing major" I lied, shrugging off the subject.
"We know what your doing" Jemma added. Anyway, the subject carried on and they tried to convince me that Mia was not my friend. They didnt succeed. I left them there, sat on the grass and went to meet with Mia. I hadn't eaten much that day but seeing Mia, stood there waiting at my door made me purge. I felt bad for leaving her, letting my friends say all those bad things about her. I saw my friends less and less until i had pretty much quarantined myself. Mia was my only friend. I knew that.

I spent around another 5 months with Mia alone. She then introduced me to her friend Ana. I quickly began to get along with Ana just as much, if not more than i did with Mia. They worked together as an amazing team to make me look fabulous. I was so happy when i was with them both. I was looking more and more like the girl in the school hall every day. I spent all my time obsessing over this look. My school work didnt seem remotely important anymore. All i cared about was my image. "Just one more pound" i would tell myself. "I will be perfect. Just another 2 days" I was losing on average 1 lbs every 2 days. Sometimes slightly more. It made me smile everytime i got on the scales.

People had started to question my happiness and started to remove items from my life that i used religiously. Items such as the weighing scales, the small scales i weighed food on. Anything i used to help myself feel in control, they took away from me. In the end they forced me to see a therapist who did manage to convince me that Mia wasnt always going to be my friend. However, i never mentioned my close connection with Ana. Once i had managed to convince this woman that i was no longer spending time with Mia, my friends and family began to trust me again and left me to my own devices. I hadn't lied. I didnt see Mia stood in my room anymore.

My new friend was Ana....